Throughout my life, when important events happen, my emotions are strongly attached to the memory of the event. Sometimes I won’t even realize it’s happening. Let me see if I can explain…do you ever have a day when you just feel down in the dumps, just kind of blah? Sometimes this will happen to me, then I will remember that it was that day a year ago, or two years ago, or five years ago, that some unpleasant event happened, and I was just feeling those emotions again. Because I know this about myself, when unfortunate things happen, I dread that day coming around again because I know those unpleasant emotions will come back to haunt me.
The best example of this phenomenon occurred on January 4, 2009. It was on that day that I was fired from my position as a Children’s Pastor. It is to date the hardest thing I’ve ever gone through, and there has been some stiff competition. In the midst of my grief, I can remember thinking, “Now every January 4th will remind me of this.” Following that event, as God’s plan began to be revealed to me, I waited patiently for a phone call from Norwegian Cruise Lines telling me that they were ready for my to join their ship in Hawaii. I was told that the wait would only be 4-6 months, but I soon became frustrated as 6 months turned into 8, 8 turned into 10, etc. I thought that God had forgotten about me. Then the reason for the wait became very clear. As I was working my third shift job at Target, Norwegian Cruise Lines finally called to offer me a dream job. Guess what day it was – January 4th, 2010. It was not a coincidence, and the fact was not lost on me. God planned it that way so that I could remember that day in a much happier, more positive way. He replaced the bad milestone with a good one, and I was so grateful.
For those of you who have been following my journey since that time can probably guess what event was the second hardest for me to get though. I won’t go into detail, but the event left me alone and stuck if upstate New York in the winter, far from my family and friends that love me with a heart that was completely broken. After about a month, I learned that my kidneys had failed, and there is no doubt in my mind that the emotional distress caused my physical decline. It felt like I was trapped in a nightmare.
Well, time has passed, and now I finally can see relief in the future. Because I have been waiting so long for healing, it was devastating when the transplant surgery didn’t happen in March. After a couple days, I felt silly for not figuring out faster. Now my surgery is scheduled for exactly 3 years to the day that I started dialysis. Now those memories can be replaced with positive, life-changing memories. Those feelings of being all alone and dumped are replaced with feelings of being loved. Of having hundreds of people following my journey and wishing me well. Now I am so glad my surgery was postponed because April 17th can be one of my favorite days to remember. God knew that it was exactly what I needed.