I don’t even know how to begin telling you about my weekend. Why don’t I just start with the ending; I have learned my lesson. Now I’ll move on to the beginning.
Friday afternoon I got a call from a friend saying that she and her mom were going to Myrtle Beach and would I like to come. I have made a new resolution to do everything I can to get out of my comfort zone, make new friends and generally live a more exciting life. I said, “Yeah, I’ll come.” I immediately started thinking in advance about the post I would write when it was all over. I thought I would be able to brag about how being single does have its advantages. I can just decide to leave for the night at a moment’s notice without a concern for what anyone else wants me to do. Little did I know that this adventure would turn out to be nothing to brag about.
The plan was to go on some sort of casino cruise that evening, then have lunch and shop the next day. It took us a while to get there, so we didn’t make the cruise on time. We decided to go on the day cruise on Saturday. Friday night we went to Benjamin’s seafood buffet which is my favorite place to eat my favorite food – crab legs! Yum forever! That was the best part. Then we went to see “Definitely, Maybe” – a total chick flick. I thought it was cute, but I did think it was weird that this father would be sharing all this information about his past with his daughter. About halfway through the movie, I tried to shift in my seat to get more comfortable, but I couldn’t. I was stuck to the seat – with gum! While my friend was chuckling at my predicament, she asked if I wanted her to move down, but I said I might as well stay there until the end of the movie. When the movie was over, I literally had to grasp the armrests and pull myself off the seat with all my might. On the way home, I sat on paper so I wouldn’t get gum on the car’s interior; when I got out of the car, the papers were still stuck, and I walked back to the hotel room with Mapquest directions on my behind.
We left the hotel at 10:30am on Saturday morning to meet the casino cruise boat in plenty of time before our departure. It should have been plenty of time, but instead there was some sort of marathon blocking all the roads surrounding our hotel. We finally found a way out of there and were on our way. When we got on the boat, we did notice an abnormally large percentage of people smoking, and the air was quickly becoming cloudy. After two hours I had wasted $20 in the slot machines, inhaled enough smoke to feel like a chimney, and was freezing to death on the upper deck trying to get away from the smoke. Not to mention the constant bleeping and dinging from all the machines and the swaying and rocking of the boat itself. My friend and I were done and ready to get off. Too bad we still had three hours to go. We walked around, ate a snack, wasted a little more money, and tried not to die. As the boat made its way back to the shore, things got a lot rockier. We were sitting in a row of chairs, and then I noticed that the woman next to me was holding on to the back of my chair so I couldn’t move. I thought she had dropped something on the floor, and I didn’t pay much attention to her. After about five minutes, I realized that the only thing she had dropped on the floor was her lunch. . .that she had already eaten. . .a few hours ago. That’s right; the woman had ralphed on the floor right behind me! I told my friend that we had to get up and move. As I was walking away I realized that I wasn’t going to be able to walk away very easily. Some of the woman’s um, up-heave-al was on me! It got on the back of my pants and sweater. It wasn’t a lot, but any stranger’s puke on you is too much, if you ask me. I must have been sitting there like that for ten minutes. I mean, tap a girl on the shoulder as say, “Excuse me, I’m sorry, but I just threw up on you. Just letting you know.” People are so rude. I did what I could in the restroom while swaying and knocking into everything and everyone in there. Thank goodness we were almost back to the shore.
As soon as we got back in the car, I got some clothes out of my suitcase and changed immediately out of my puke-stained, smoke-smelling clothes. Why did I ever decide to do new and interesting things? Like I said, I’ve learned my lesson. Never go on a casino cruise. And always bring lots of extra pants. The end.