V-Day

So it’s Valentine’s Day. A day that most people either celebrate or resent. The truth is that I have never had a valentine on Valentine’s Day. Some years I have been so busy that I don’t even realize what day it is until it’s over; some years I make a point of gathering all my single girlfriends together and doing something really girly to hide the fact that none of us had any other plans. But I had high hopes for this year. I’m going to go out on a limb and tell you why. Hopefully my little story will reach at least one person that needs to hear it.

It all started about a year ago. My little sister was already engaged, and I had just learned that my two perpetually-single-cousins-that-now- had-boyfriends were also shopping for rings and hoped to be married by the end of the year. I always thought that if at least one other girl in my family were still single then I was still okay. Now I was facing the fact that every female family member in my generation would now have someone . . . except me. For some reason I immediately thought about Christmas. I could just see myself stuck at the end of the table, completely disrupting the symmetry of the place settings, or squished in between couples on the sofa, drinking eggnog and eating as many Christmas cookies as I could fit in my face. I was praying to God to help me figure out a way to get me out of the country when His voice spoke to my spirit in that thought-that-comes- faster-that-I-could-think-it kind of way. He said, “This is the last Christmas that you’ll be alone.” I immediately tried to talk myself out of it for fear of the disappointment that would happen if it didn’t come true. This didn’t work because I know that it must have been God’s voice speaking to me, and I didn’t want to call Him a liar.

The year went on, and the planning of the trio of weddings was underway. The dates were set for August 11, September 8 and October 13. Bam, bam, bam, everybody but me. I cannot describe how hard this was for me. Let’s just say that I was diagnosed with a chronic illness at the age of eighteen, and this season of weddings was worse than that. I think it was because I was expected to be happy about it. If I let people know how I really felt then I would be seen as a bitter, self-absorbed loser.

On the eve of the second wedding, I had another conversation with God. “Okay, I’m not a basketcase anymore, but, seriously,” I reasoned, “what’s the deal? All these years we’ve all been single, and you had to orchestrate it like this? It couldn’t have been all four of us? I felt like you said that I would have someone by next Christmas, but I wish I could know for sure.” Again a thought came rushing into my head, but this time it didn’t make sense to me. I saw the numbers, “2 1 4.” Just as I was thinking, “214? What does that mean?” He answered me. “Valentine’s Day.” I am not making this up. I immediately spoke to God in a most non-reverent way. “Okay, God, don’t be messin’ around with Valentine’s Day. It’s bad enough as it is.” Again I started trying to convince myself that I made it up, but I know that I didn’t. It was God.

So now it’s here, and this week has been hard. I’m still alone. So what happened? Did I misunderstand? Did God break His promise? I don’t know if I’ll ever understand fully, but I do know this. God wants me to trust Him. Throughout my search for my future husband, I have been leaning on my own understanding when God’s word clearly tells my not to in Proverbs 3:5-6. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.

God wants me to be content in my circumstances. And if nothing happens today, then He must have a really good reason why.

I don’t know why I felt the need to post all of this. I guess I just want all the single women out there to know that I understand, and so does your Savior. We have to trust Him, even when we don’t know how.

So I just poured my heart out here. I better get some comments.

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10 Responses to V-Day

  1. Amy says:

    Well, my plan was to send you this really sweet Happy Valentine’s Day message in hopes of making you feel a little less alone, but it sounds to me like you’re doing pretty good. His ways ARE higher than our ways…definitely higher than mine. The more I choose to trust Him, the more peace I find. And it’s always easier to be content when you have peace. Thank you for sharing this. I imagine many out there can relate. Hang in there girl. Your day is coming. God ALWAYS fulfills His promises. It goes against His very nature not to. Love ya girl! HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY!

  2. hmurphy says:

    I love your willingess to lay it on the line! That is true faith. Hold on to His promise; it is the one thing you can count to be true in life.

  3. chrissy says:

    Becky, I love you so. Happy Valentine’s Day.

  4. Well, Becky Ray, I was thinking about your story, and about the numbers 2 1 4. If you multiply the numbers together you get 8. There are 8 days in Hanukah, and though its a different religion, our Gods are kinda like brothers hangin’ out together on the corner – different sides of the street, but the same corner. So I’m wondering now if you were concentrating so hard on Valentines Day, that you completely overlooked the possibility of your dream man coming this year to you on Hanukah!

  5. brownam64 says:

    Happy Valentine’s Day. It’s great to hear your story and know how close God is to your heart.

  6. Anne Lively says:

    Here’s some encouragement, it’s well worth waiting for the right one to come along according to God’s plan.
    I got married just over a year ago (to Michael) and I was over 40 when it happened.
    I completely understand being the ‘third’ wheel.
    It will happen for you when it’s supposed to happen (don’t let my age discourage you) and it will be more wonderful than you can ever imagine.
    Remember, you want Mr. Right, not Mr. Right Here Right Now.
    Keep praying and waiting for the next step to be revealed!

  7. beckyray says:

    Don’t mind ol’ Bubba, folks; he’s just up to his old antics again. Unknowingly mocking my faith. He means no harm.
    P. S. – Bubba, dude, it’s the same God. I just answer to the more updated version.

  8. Elizabeth says:

    Becky, that was great! Thanks for sharing what God has laid on your heart. You know as well as I do that God never breaks his promises… sometimes they just show up when least expected. … But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently. (Romans 8:24)

    PS. Nice rebuttal for Bubba- on the updated version.

  9. Tanya says:

    Thanks for sharing, Becky. You are not alone in your experiences or feelings. Here’s a verse I have hanging on my computer
    “These things I plan won’t happen right away. Slowly, steadily, surely, the time approaches when the vision will be fulfilled. If it seems slow, do not despair, for these things will surely come to pass. Just be patient! They will not be overdue a single day!”
    Habukkuk 2:3 (The Book)

  10. chaotic joy says:

    Hey Becky. I just read this. And I wanted to tell you how brave I think you are for sharing it. I have only had a couple of these “God Speak” experiences in my life. One was when I was pregnant with my daughter Clara. God told me before I took a test, that I was pregnant and would have a little Girl. And I didn’t tell anyone, because I was second guessing myself and didn’t want to step out on a limb. And then when the doctors told me we had most likely lost the baby, I remembered my Word from God and still didn’t tell anyone, thinking maybe I had been wrong.

    I wasn’t wrong. The baby was a girl and she was perfectly fine. If I had told people, like you have done, I would have had a wonderful testimony of faith. Instead I robbed God of the Glory because I was afraid of looking silly. I am so proud of you for sharing your “Word from God” even when we are not sure what it means.

    God Bless you for your faithfulness.

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