Today is a day I’ve been dreading since, well, since Sunday because that is when I found out about it, but I would have been dreading it way longer than that if I had known. The church where I work is updating the website, and it includes new staff pictures of everyone. If you read my quirky post, you know that having my picture taken is not okay with me. I’ve been this way ever since I reached adulthood, and the image of myself that I have in my head became further and further from the truth. It’s gotten worse and worse over the years, and now I probably need professional help. Anyway, I began planning for today last night. I decided what I would wear (which I don’t usually do), I went to bed early (beauty sleep – ha!) and I set my alarm for 30 minutes earlier than normal (to allow time for freak-outs).
As I got ready this morning, I purposefully did not put on my make-up. You see, Picture Day was happening in the afternoon, and I wanted my make-up to look “fresh.” I packed my make-up, hairbrush and curling iron and headed off to work. I was warned that for the photo session we would have to do a normal, smiling picture, and then a “funny” picture, too. What is this, the spring break youth group trip?! Or maybe the yearbook photo for Drama Club????!!!! I can’t take this! I don’t even have one good picture in me, and now you want me to be “funny”?!
When I returned to the office after lunch, others that had already been through the photo session were leaving. They said you could use a prop or something for your “funny” picture. Oh, good, can my prop be a huge fan or a sombrero pulled over my face? That’s when the really bad news was delivered. The pictures were not just regular head shots; they were full body shots! Head to toe!!! Horror of horrors! I was in full panic mode. What am I going to do? Where can I hide?
I grabbed my puppet school mask off the shelf in my office to use as my prop for my “funny” picture, and very reluctantly went to the makeshift photo studio. I stalled and stalled, waiting for every other person to go ahead of me. I don’t know why; I knew it couldn’t be avoided. I guess I was giving Jesus plenty of time in case he wanted to come back and take us all to heaven so I wouldn’t have to get my picture taken. You may have guessed it, but the rapture didn’t happen. I stood on the X and allowed a few pictures to be taken, with my mask and without. I would like to tell you that when I saw the pictures, I had a revelation and decided that they were not that bad. This is not what happened. As soon as the first picture filled the computer screen, I grabbed my stuff and ran for the door. It was terrible! I’m telling you, when I see myself in the mirror every morning, I am at least 30 pounds lighter than I am in that picture! My nose is smaller, my hair is thicker and healthier, my skin is clearer. . .how can a camera do so much damage? I ended the day in tears, and then I decided that the only way to get it out of my system was to tell the blogosphere about it. Dumb idea, I know, because now about 100 people are going to be anxiously awaiting the new Pointe North website and the Ugliest Picture they’ve ever seen. Ugh!